1) If you drop your joint in the dark, you can use the light from your iPhone to find it.
2) Kool has aged well, though he has put on weight.
3) All things considered, “Jungle Boogie” is a pretty good tune.
4) At least I can get down on it better than that old dude sitting two rows in front of me.
5) I’m capable of paying $9.25 for a can of Red Stripe.
6) Eddie Van Halen is still a bitchin’ guitar player.
7) While I’m not hot for teacher, I am strangely attracted to middle-aged, suburban women in sequined denim and high-heels.
8) David Lee Roth is a screechy, whiny asshole who can’t sing or jump worth a shit. Oh wait, I knew that.
9) The Blackhawks won the 2010 Stanley Cup.
10) Van Halen, like almost everything else from thirty years ago, goes way better with coke.