Preview: Kenny G Holiday Show/Chicago Theatre

Who honestly enjoys Kenny G? In the twenty or so years that the ultra-lite jazz saxophonist has enjoyed a bewilderingly successful career, I’ve never once met someone who confessed to buying a Kenny G album—yet somewhere, some twisted soul out there is perpetually paying money to hear the same Christmas songs (his five holiday-themed albums constantly recycle the same songs), the same elevator-inspired, melodramatically titled crap (“The Moment,” “Breathless” and my favorite, “G Force”), and the same greatest hits album (Kenny now has five greatest-hits compilations, further proof that capitalism has failed the consumer), which have combined to total about forty-eight million records sold. Wanna know how to be rich? First, pick a song to cover, like “Joy to the World” or ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.” Secondly, strip it of anything that makes it memorable, like words or a distinctive personality. Third, play the melody on a really smooth instrument, like a soprano saxophone, making sure to back it with some mind-numbing, rhythmless arrangement (a good test: if you can dance to it, scrap it!). And finally, get a perm. Voila! You’re about to sell fifty million records. (Andy Seifert)